The Making of Diane
Part 1 - Beginnings
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The account that follows, and its subsequent parts, detail my experiences from an early age. It covers almost sixty years and charts some of the events that shaped me into the lingerie-wearing cross-dresser that I am today. I am simply a cross-dresser. I enjoy wearing woman's underwear and, on occasions, some "fetishwear" but I have no desire to re-align my life and live as a woman. I consider myself to be "straight" but as you will discover, I do enjoy certain sexual practices a little off the norm. This account is not fiction. Names may have been changed to protect myself and others but apart from that, I assure you that all that you read here is true. In common with so many, I suspect that I cannot truly identify what it was that ignited my profound interest in lingerie and ladies underwear. I do know that it started at an early age and probably started with my sisters undies. I was born into a time when girls and women still wore "proper" underwear with lavish lace and fine fabrics. Lingerie had a certain "romance" about it - unlike the stuff worn by so many of todays girls. My earliest recollections arise from around 1962. I was six or seven years old and lived with my parents and an older brother and sister. My sister - Jane - was ten years older than me and my brother - Mike - was two years younger than Jane. I come from a modest working background in the north of England. We were not a poor family but by no means wealthy. My dad worked hard to put food on the table and although we didn't have lot in the way of luxuries, we never went hungry or without warm clothes. My sister, at sixteen or so, had left school and ventured into the world of work. She was rapidly turning into a young lady and, with a little money in her pocket from her office job, had started to look at the latest fashions of the day. It was around this time that I noticed (though I don't really know why) that her underwear - which was always on show on washing day - changed. Out were the plain panties of schooldays and in were pretty pastel coloured panties in a wonderful material called nylon. Along with these panties came matching lacy full slips with deep lace at the hemlines and adorning the bust area. Up to this point, I hadn't paid any attention to my sisters clothes. I do remember her wearing a school uniform of green skirt and white long-sleeved blouse all worn under a green blazer complete with school badge, but had no idea what she wore beneath it. I still do not know what change in my life occurred to suddenly make me aware of my sisters underwear. I do know that more or less overnight I suddenly started to take every opportunity to touch and feel her panties and slips. I started to sneak into her room whilst she was out, opening her dresser drawers and caressing the folded items within. Such opportunities were rare as, due to my age at the time, I was rarely alone in the house. Many are the times that I have just got out of Jane's room in time to avoid being caught. I knew that I shouldn't do it, but I simply couldn't resist touching the garments. What attracted me? I don't know. I was well below an age where there was any sexual connotations. For some time my interests in girls undies developed quietly. I would take every opportunity to touch or even get a look at silken lingerie. It wasn't long - perhaps a year or so - before I started to "feel something" when around lingerie. I think I must have been around eight or nine when I became aware that fondling slips and panties did something to me "down there". I do recall the first time I masturbated with panties. Jane was out for the evening and before going out she had bathed and got "dressed up". Usually, after bathing, she would have taken her dirty clothes to the hamper in her room but on this one occasion she left them, by accident, in the bathroom. During the early evening I went to the bathroom and there, in full view, was a pair of pale blue panties and a matching half slip, obviously the ones Jane had worn that day. The panties were a full-cut style in a flimsy, soft, nylon and quite see-through. The slip was the same colour but of a slightly heavier nylon material. I couldn't resist touching them and when I did I became immediately aware of stirrings "down below". Quite unconsciously, I dropped my trousers and underwear and wrapped the nylon panties around myself. At this time, I was still sexually ignorant. I didn't know what an erection was but I was aware of a strange feeling in my penis as I stroked the nylon over myself. Again, quite unconsciously, I picked up Jane's slip and, pushing up my tee shirt, started to rub the nylon over my body. Perhaps this was the trigger for a life-long love of having my nipples stimulated, particularly through nylon that still persists to this day. I recall I had what I now know to be an orgasm. Not a shattering, cum-gushing experience - I was far too young for that - but merely a slight tingling in my penis after which the slight stiffening I had noticed abated. I also noticed a change in my general feelings. The initial thrill I felt when I picked up Jane's panties had passed. I simply put them back where I had found them, washed my hands and went back downstairs as though nothing had happened. Something had happened of course. I had set myself on a track from which there was to be no deviation for - so far - over fifty years. ------------------------ The Making of Diane - part 2 - early times. After my first sexual encounter with my sister's nylon panties I was eager to repeat the experience. I took every opportunity to touch or even simply look at Jane's lingerie. I recall now that I had no interest whatsoever in my mother's underwear. She wore much less enticing panties usually in cotton and I now realise that it was the material - nylon - that was attracting me rather than the fact that I was looking at feminine apparel. My mother wore nylon slips of course but I don't recall an attraction to them. Only my sister's lingerie drew my attention. Whenever I got the chance I would masturbate into my sister's nylon lingerie. As I got past the age of ten years, it was thought safe to leave me alone in the house for short periods, for example whilst my father was at work and my mother was out at the shops. I used these opportunities to explore Jane's undies drawers and I remember a frantic rush to get upstairs and into Jane's room as soon as my mother closed the door on her way out. I knew I only had a limited time to explore but I did have one advantage. The window in Jane's room looked out over the road that my mother would be walking down on her way home. If I was careful, I could see her on her way back and that gave me around five minutes to replace Jane's panties in her dresser and get out of the room. My passion for nylon lingerie was growing at an alarming rate by now and I started to employ deception techniques in order to get access to my cravings. On more than one occasion I feigned minor illness in order to be allowed to stay home from school, always on days when I knew there would be an opportunity to be alone in the house. I would choose a day when I knew my mother had an appointment in town or another reason for going out for some time and I would claim I had a minor stomach upset and couldn't go to school. Invariably I was allowed to stay home but made a remarkable recovery once I had the house to myself. I think I was around eleven or twelve years old when it happened.... I had Jane's white nylon half-slip wrapped around my penis and balls and was masturbating hard when, as usual by now, I felt the stirrings of an orgasm. The difference this time was that my hand, wrapped in the nylon around my penis suddenly became wet. I had never experienced this before and had no idea what had happened. I didn't know what an ejaculation was. My first though was that I must be bleeding and I was reluctant to look. When I did look down, I was in one way relieved to see that it was just a clear sticky fluid but I also felt frightened as I didn't know what it was that had caused it. There was also the matter of the sticky mess in Jane's nylon underskirt! I couldn't just drop it in the wash and hope nobody noticed - I had taken it from her undies drawer where it had been clean and neatly folded. I wasn't sure if it was a slip that she wore regularly but all I could do was fold it at the bottom of the pile in her drawer and hope that it wouldn't be noticed. There followed a few days when at any time, I expected to be confronted about the stained slip. Fortunately, I got away with it. That first experience of ejaculating also seemed to mark another change. Up until that point it had been just nylon lingerie that attracted me. I became aware that, although the lingerie was still a big attraction to me I was also taking more of an interest in the girls that wore it. The opposite sex had started to become attractive to me and I started to look at girls when out-and-about or at school. I was especially attracted to them if their slips were showing. All this took place in the late 1960's at a time when all girls wore slips. A young lady would be considered improperly dressed if she went out without a slip under her skirt or dress. Even the younger girls at school wore them and attending a mixed school, I had ample opportunity to get a sighting of a wayward slip hem of which there were many. My new found interest in the opposite sex was driving my hormones into overdrive and I had an ever increasing interest in lingerie. It was inevitable that the two facets would collide at some point. In common with many, I had the usual schoolboy crushes on girls - it is, after all, a normal part of growing up. The difference from my point of view was that I was particularly attracted to girls who I knew to wear nice slips or lingerie. If I had had a nice slip sighting or a flash of silky nylon panties at school during the day, it was inevitable that I would fantasise about the girl later in the privacy of my bedroom. In my fantasies, the undies were a major part of the scenario and I would masturbate hard at the thoughts of a silky slip caressing a pretty girls thighs and her nylon panties rippling across her bottom. There was another aspect that came into play at this time too - silky blouses. The school uniform for girls at my school consisted of grey skirts and white long-sleeve blouses worn with a blue tie. The blouses were similar style to a man's collared dress shirt. In the late 1960's and early 1970's in the UK, a popular material for shirts and blouses was nylon. Older readers will no doubt remember nylon shirts - they were hailed as a new, easy-care garment made of a slightly heavier type of nylon tricot but similar to that used for lingerie. Many of the girls at my school wore nylon blouses and that became yet another attraction for me. For someone who loved the feel of nylon, being surrounded by dozens of girls in silky blouses was wonderful! I became aware that some of the girls I was with were clothed in nylon! I remember when I was about fourteen there was one girl I had a particular crush on - let's call her Margaret. She was a pretty girl who was always smartly dressed in her uniform. I walked into a classroom one morning where Margaret was sitting on a desk, the back of her skirt hanging down over the edge. From where I was stood, I had a clear view up this fourteen year old girl's short grey uniform skirt. She was wearing white, filmy nylon panties and her white half-slip was hanging down under her skirt. Her panties were almost see-through, obviously very silky and rippled delightfully over her vagina as she moved. She was also wearing a white nylon blouse with a lacy bra showing through the material. Later that day I masturbated hard over what I had seen and the knowledge that Margaret was feeling so much nylon against her skin. Almost every article of clothing against her skin was made of silky nylon. The silky blouse, panties and half-slip must have felt wonderful as she walked about all day. (As an aside, I did later date Margaret. We went out a few times). I was so engrossed in my fantasies surrounding lingerie that I started to wonder if the girls derived as much pleasure from their nice undies as I did. A myriad of questions formed in my mind. Did girls enjoy wearing silky panties or the caress of silky slip against their legs? When choosing what undies to wear, did they look forwards to stepping into a nice pair of nylon panties every morning? Did they enjoy the feeling that wearing a nice silky nylon blouse gave them? How lucky girls were to be able to wear nylon all day! I also started to wonder about the changes in a girl's life. At what point does a young girl decide that she will stop wearing "little girl" cotton panties and venture into the world of "grown up" nylon panties? Perhaps it is a sort of "rite of passage" instigated by her mother? It prompts further questions.. Do young girls enjoy wearing nylon panties and lingerie? Is the delicious feeling of silky panties sliding beneath a nylon slip exciting to a girl? Did Margaret, for instance, enjoy the feeling of so much nylon against her body? I will probably return to these questions in a later article but I have to say, they are questions that still fascinate me to this day. I would love to be able to get some answers. My lingerie interests were developing and I started to appreciate girls in sexy, silky blouses as well as nice lingerie. An interest that persists to this day. I also started to wonder what it would be like to wear such intimates. It was about this time that I started to wear nylon panties. |